Season 1 • Episode 6 • High Jinks & High-Kicks
Catbaby reporting in; Things are going gangbusters here. Mom and dad have proven to be trainable. I’m now allowing them about five hours of sleep a night. Just enough sleep so they can function, but tired enough that they don’t fight my training methods. Like dirty diaper changing. They used to drag that out forever…yuck. By escalating the decibels of my dissatisfaction every thirty seconds, I now have them down to a complete diaper change in less than two minutes — they now operate like a precision pit crew.
Boris the cat, my ninja sidekick, has been exiled to the outside. He has perimeter guard duty due to the ankle attack incident (see episode 3). Being a proud ninja trainee, and feeling he’s been disrespected, he likes to sneak into the house and sharpen his sword-like claws on dad’s recliner as revenge.
I tell Boris he should cool it, and just concentrate on thwarting the invading hoards of spiders, bugs and field mice. He’s kind of a loose cannon — so we’ll see how it goes.
From my pack ‘n play, I overheard my mom, and grandpapa reminiscing with dad about the legendary comedy gold, better known as ‘Grandmama’s High-kick’. The story goes that when mom was a cheerleader, grandmama swore she could out high-kick her…this competition went down in the kitchen…literally. Mom went first with a great kick that grandpapa said went a good six inches above her head.
Grandmama, unfazed and supremely confident, said, “Just watch this.” She then kicked her leg forward, with a force, that’s best described as holy s**t!
Grandmama forgot one thing in the equation…her tight skirt. Her kick leg went really, really high… Unfortunately, her other leg followed it. She hovered a good five feet in the air, in total disbelief, before doing a rafter-rattling, butt-buster on the floor. They swear the look on grandmama’s face alone, would’ve won the $10,000 prize on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Mom ended up winning the contest when grandpapa disqualified grandmama for reckless endangerment and an egregious break in form.
That’s my update, so until next time…Meow:)