Little Lies Fiction

Short Stories, Cartoons & Animations

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Prima Ballerhino

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Stephen Colbert call

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Tough Guys Polo

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Mona Lizard

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The Convention

Christmas

Helium Snorters Convention

helium

Pool Shark

shark

Adventures of Catbaby

 

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Season 1 • Episode 1 • The Arrival 

I love big people, they can be so cute. I remember when I first arrived. The bright lights, the welcome committee, with their green scrubs, the ear-to-ear smiles beneath their surgical masks — magical — I did think the slap on the butt was over-the-top, but bless their hearts, they get so emotional.

I’ve noticed that the world has a lot of problems that need fixing. That’s why I’m training to be a superhero/ninja; I’m Catbaby, but shhhhhhh…(picture me putting my finger to my lips) my real identity is a secret; That’s why I wear this disguise (see picture above).

Here’s a little background; I’m two feet nine inches tall, I weigh twenty-eight pounds, and I love cats, pups, soft rugs, binkies, blankies, and Goldfish crackers…just to name a few favs.

Of course, I  love my mom and dad — they can’t speak baby talk worth a crap, but they’re fun to watch… God bless ’em, they try real hard.

Whoops…uh…oh…my diaper’s full, and someone needs to be alerted. Which brings me to my first perfected superpower — a supersonic, blood-curdling, distress cry — It always brings ’em running.

Anyway, this whole superhero stuff is gonna take some time, and full disclosure; I’m still wobbling when I walk, so when I try to run, it’s just downright scary…so I’ll keep you updated.

Until next time, as always…Catbaby

PS – I now have an apprentice, a sidekick named Boris; He’s a very clever kitten who has been teaching me his ninja skills. (see picture below)

PPS. – On further observation, Boris’s ninja skills may just be flashes of insanity… I’m just saying.

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Adventures of Catbaby

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Season 1 • Episode 2 • The Trip

Waking up from a delicious, warm bottle of milk-induced stupor—I see my parents scurrying around throwing stuff in bags, and then tossing those bags in bigger bags. A large suitcase flies open, and thrown inside are all the bags, clothes, shoes, bottles, binkies, diapers, and wipes. Everything’s stacked precariously, like in a blindfolded game of Jenga. 

I can see they need my help, so, using my ninja skills, I start scaling the barred walls of my crib to save the day.

Mom screams, “Nooooo!…stop! you’ll break your neck.” I don’t mean to be patronizing, but bless her heart, she can be quite the drama queen. Silly mom, everyone knows, cats always land on their feet.

Mom now has her undivided attention on me, leaving the impossible task of closing the suitcase to dad — who never met a challenge he didn’t accept. 

“Time to get you dressed little girl…we’re going to visit grandmama and grandpapa,” she said, smiling as she scooped me up and headed for the changing table.

I’m thrilled with the thought of practicing my new found superpower; ‘extreme cuteness’, on the grandparents. It’s almost too easy. When I smile, they start cheering, and their cameras appear out of thin air…and if I giggle…whoa!…it’s party time; chicken nuggies and juice, fun and games, and unlimited story time 24/7.

I glance over at the bed and see a blur. Dad’s bouncing up and down on the lid of the suitcase like a crazed kangaroo — clothes, bags, bottles and baby powder are flying everywhere.

While mom buckles me into the car seat, dad comes out of the house carrying seven plastic sacks full of stuff, mumbling something about cheap latches on a broken suitcase.

Mom tells dad that we might as well make a day of it and visit all the grandparents.

Wow!…Score!…it’s baby Shangri-la!—and that’s when I metaphorically wet myself.

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